Friday, February 10, 2012

Everybody Hates Willard

Wow—just when you thought the Republican primary campaign for president couldn’t get any weirder, former Keystone State Senator Rick Santorum, the most hilariously inept human being to ever actually WIN a presidential primary, stomped poor little rich boy Willard Mitt Romney in Colorado, Minnesota and Missouri. The most surprising aspect of this development is that the Republican Party is usually pretty disciplined about falling in line behind the front runner after the first few contests. That they haven’t this year indicates a deep seated unhappiness with Governor One Percenter just when he thought it would be smooth sailing to Tampa and the nomination after seemingly slaying the Dragon Newt in Florida.

The only sane reaction any thinking person can have to these developments is to just laugh and shake their heads. The conventional pundits, of course, are trying to play this off as the conservative base being unhappy with Romney’s religion and his record as Governor of Massachusetts, but I think that assessment doesn't tell the whole story.

No doubt the conventional wisdom cannot be completely discounted, but what those same pundits have been trying to avoid saying at all costs is that Romney’s wealth and his Wall Street background are also causing him major grief. They don’t want to call attention to the class warfare aspect of the distaste for the front runner because the officially sanctioned narrative, whether you are a liberal or a conservative, is that America is a wondrous land of opportunity and anybody who is willing to work hard can become the next Willard Romney. It’s largely bullshit, of course, and it’s becoming even more obviously bullshit with every passing year, but that’s the lie you are required to sell if you want to be paid big bucks to spout your opinion on teevee instead of just being some lonely, uncompensated blogger sitting on his couch in his basement.

Despite their ever-increasing love for Social Darwinism, even the Republican base seems to be turned off by a guy who was born rich and got richer by destroying good paying American jobs, then has the gonads to say aloud that he doesn’t care about poor people. Gingrich knows this, which is why he has been hammering that theme on the campaign trail. The Angry Little Attack Muffin just didn’t expect that in their anger the voters would turn not to him but to a deeply closeted, homophobic freak in a sweater vest whose sudden popularity represents yet another new low for our national politics.

Looking back at Tuesday night's results, if you are a neutral and uninterested observer like me you have to love the fact that the Missouri primary was non-binding, meaning that the party apparatus of the Show Me State retains the ability to select the delegates to the Republican convention regardless of the primary's outcome (actually, the "Show Me State" sounds like the kind of place Santorum would secretly LOVE to visit and indulge his wildest fantasies, but I digress). The prevailing morning-after narrative was that the "meaningless" nature of the contest held the voting numbers down, which enabled Santorum to score his big victory because his much smaller percentage of supporters is far more passionate about him than Romney’s larger percentage are about their guy. No doubt the state Republican “leadership” thought they were being smart by retaining control of the delegate selection process to prevent, say, Ron Paul from receiving any delegates, but what they actually managed to do was set the stage for a HUGE embarrassment of the man the party is now supposed to be rallying around as its standard bearer.

Speaking of Ron Paul, the other notable thing to come out of this week’s results is that he is DONE as a candidate for the Republican nomination. The party’s base has clearly spoken: Anybody But Willard...who ISN’T Ron Paul. The Good Doctor should conceded to reality, drop out of the race now and stop trying to keep his passionate supporters' hopes up. Some might argue that Paul should stay in the race so in case there is a brokered convention he might be able to play kingmaker. To which I would reply: how exactly does ultimately having the power to put one of the remaining three statist authoritarians in the race over the top help his Libertarian followers? Sure, he might personally derive some benefit from such a scenario, but then he would be acting like just one more full-of-shit politician rather than the supposed man of principle many of his followers believe him to be.

As for me, I’ll be rooting for Santorum to continue (ahem) spreading far and wide across the country. I said two weeks ago in my post, "Newt Gingrich: The 'Leader' America So Richly Deserves," that Gingrich would be the perfect president for this Spoiled Rotten Nation, and the same logic also applies to the possibility of Santorum taking the oath of office next January. At the very least, President Frothy Lube & Fecal Matter would expose once and for all just what an utter farce our political system has become as the Empire slouches along towards its inevitable fall.

Bonus: That's our Little Ricky -- hanging out with all the boys


  1. Great piece! I'm one of those people who thought that Romney was being shunned for his Mormon religion, too- but I think you're on to something about the class angle. It seems that it's okay to be a rich guy for the base, but only if you "earned" at least some of it (sure, it could be from bribes and such-but maybe they can envision themselves doing that!) Maybe it's about the voter subconsciously thinking they could have done the same things....screw the geometry teacher, go to church but have affairs and criticize others for the same, be a bit corrupt, take some bribes-that's more familiar territory than being born a prince.

    Even GW had to put on a big show to seem down home-remember that over the top Texas accent-that magically his brother Jeb doesn't seem to have-you typically sound like your siblings, the accent gets formed when you're young. He also had to pose as a cowboy (but find a photo of him on a horse--you won't).

    Pretty instructive in regard to the pathology of American thought processes.

    Didn't Obama go to an elite prep school in HI, but they played up the single mom from KS stuff....

    I guess the Romney people didn't know the scam.
    Oh well, Mitt- at least you'll be a god of your own planet when you die.

    1. Kathleen - great point about Bush having to act like a "regular guy." I wonder how long it will be before Romney buys a Texas ranch and starts making a show of clearing brush for no particular purpose?

  2. I just wish I could beam Dan Savage's definition of Santorum into everybody's head..I think even staunch supporters would have some difficulty overcoming that.

    On an unrelated note, have you seen the trailer for God Bless America, coming out in April? Seems to speak to the pent up rage that is building...and who hasn't had a fantasy like that at one time or another?

  3. Does anybody else feel an odd urge to strangle little Ricky whenever he's on the tv? Or maybe just slap him really hard across that smug little face? My baser animal instincts seem to be telling me to assert dominance over the weaker male that should under no circumstances be made a leader of anything.

  4. Will the Republicans be smart enough to realize they just have a pack of losers who can't beat Obama, except for Paul. Maybe he's just waiting and hoping the party will finally wise up.

  5. Something people realize but only subliminally about Romney - he's so stiff I sometimes wonder if he's wearing a back brace. He was in a fatal car accident while he was a missionary in France; apparently unavoidable and not his fault, someone crossed over the center line at the last second and head-on'd the car he was driving. A passenger in the car was killed and Romney was 'declared dead' or thought dead or something until he reached the hospital and identities and injuries were sorted out. He spent a long time recovering physically and I think his injuries still show in his stiffness. You would have to know his medical history to realize that's why he moves that way, but it gives him an overall impression of robotic. His seeming lack of any real developed personality, just a CEO standing at the head of the big oval expensive table persona, obviously doesn't help. I can't imagine the guy laughing at a dirty joke or throwing back a beer. It doesn't help that he swears in 'mormon' - "Oh my goodness" and "gosh" seeming to be as forceful as he gets.

    Forget the more recalcitrant countries in the world that the hawks are worried about - the Joint Chiefs would walk all over him.