Sunday, February 12, 2012

The Beast: The 50 Most Loathsome Americans, 2011

Every year, outlaw journalist Ian Murphy of The Beast website puts together a very funny list of the people he considers to be the 50 Most Loathsome Americans. What makes it even better (aside from it not being a slideshow) is that despite Murphy's obviously far left leanings, the slams are actually bipartisan. President Hopey-Changey, in fact, has moved all they way up to sixth on the list...rising steadily every year after being 50th back in the year of his election.

Murphy cheekily names himself as number 50 for not getting the list, which is supposed to be a year-end article, completed until February:
50) Ian Murphy
Crimes: He’s so lazy and drug-addled, Murphy posts a year-end article in February of the following year and thinks that that’s acceptable. Only on this list as a blatant act of self-promotion/preemptive defense against critics, Murphy believes he did enough last year to talk about himself in the third person. Murphy “stole” the identity of David Koch and prank called the Governor of Wisconsin, was denounced by the Society of Professional Journalists and defended by Rush Limbaugh, derped for Congress with 1% of the vote, dedicated more time to making a parody website for his Republican opponent than he does grooming, volunteered for a rival’s campaign, gave $100 to James O’Keefe, reportedly got arrested for waving a dildo around at a National Organization For Marriage rally, and got canned from a well-read blog because he once wrote an article called “Fuck the Troops.” Is fat. Bad at spalling.
Smoking Gun: “I ran for Congress to spend less time with my family.”
Sentence: Haunted by his many successes.
That's all right, Ian. We forgive you because it's so damn funny.

Anyway, the list is below, and the full article is available at the link above. Enjoy!
49) Harold Camping

48) Christopher Hitchens

47) Tim Tebow

46) Sam Brownback

45) Megyn Kelly

44) Charlie Sheen

43) Bill Adair

42) Ed Schultz

41) Sarah Palin

40) Anthony Weiner

39) Kim Kardashian

38) Andrew Breitbart

37) Arianna Huffington

36) Frank Luntz

35) Casey Anthony

34) Michele Bachmann

33) Dr. Drew Pinsky

32) Herman Cain

31) Newt Gingrich

30) Alex Jones

29) Peter Haller

28) The Waltons

27) Paul Ryan

26) Rick Santorum - Crimes: So far in the closet, he’s standing next to your dad’s stack of vintage Playboys. Seriously. Not only does this guy conflate homosexuality with bestiality, he thinks all sex is sin unless it’s procreative. A longtime fan of watching scantily clad brutes engage in sweaty, choreographed battle (he actually lobbied for the WWF, blocking steroid screening because pro wrestling’s not a real sport), Santorum’s politics is pure kayfabe where he plays the good sweater-vested God Boy whose duty is to wrestle evil in all its secular incarnations. In reality, however, he’s a shit-stain of biblical proportions who’s guilty of cronyism, defrauding his constituents, screwing over veterans, and defending sexually abusive priests.
Smoking Gun: “As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else. It’s being drawn to Iraq. You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq. I don’t want the eye to come back to the United States.” (OK, that’s from 2006, but it’s a classic)
Sentence: The Blah Plague.

25) Ayn Rand

24) Peter King

23) Ron Paul

22) David Frum

21) Frank Miller

20) Steve Jobs

19) Michael Bloomberg

18) Rick Scott

17) Jerry Sandusky

16) Linda Katehi

15) Hank Williams Jr.

14) Scott Walker

13) Rick Perry

12) Donald Trump

11) John McCain

10) Lamar Smith

9) John Boehner

8) Eric Cantor

7) Jamie Dimon

6) Barack Obama

5) Mitt Romney

4) Jon Corzine

3) Grover Norquist

2) Rupert Murdoch

1) David (and Charles) Koch

Bonus: "You ask me what you need...hate is all you need"


  1. I like that Ayn Rand made the list, even though she's dead.
    And when Murphy skewers himself by stating that he is bad at "spalling"(spelling)

  2. Hey, Bill

    Where's Larry Summers? (aka. The Prince of Darkness)

    -- Dave